Grief

It is external, not tangible, a mixture of sadness, joy, happiness, anger, selfishness. Life is a circle, we are born to die just as the trees, plants, and animals do, why then do we want to live forever?

Each day brings in its own uncertainty and although we may think we know what is going to happen we do not. Sometimes the day happens as much as we thought it would do and then again not.

Do we run away from making our final plans? Thinking this is not for me but for others? It will never happen to me someone else but not me! Ah but it will, we are not designed to live forever.

We are designed to fall apart to go and become part of the earth, plants, animals and sky. It is that we do not like change, don’t like goodbyes? Or is it the fear of the unknown? Or could it be all of the above?

Is it the ones that are left behind that do not wish to let go and want the person to live forever And in doing so project fears onto the person who is dying. All sides have to accept and love death. To be able to let go, is it not wonderful for both sides?

Then the question is, has all that I need to say and do been completed comes to mind, are there things left behind things that need to be said and left unsaid? There have been times when as a medium I have heard one side or the other saying “I wish I had said….” “I wish I told them I loved them”, we assume so much take things and people for granted and only know of the loss when it is no longer there.

Accept that we in this physical form cannot last forever, no matter what science or willpower or tablets can do what then would we gleam to say to ourselves.

To live each day as it matters. To let those who matter to us know that we love them for who they are not what they can do for us. Some people will leave a large mark on the world such as setting up charities and foundations or sadly be known for killing others. For many that mark left behind maybe so much smaller but no less insignificant, a mark that of love, of deeds done, a memory, a teaching to others, perhaps you have inspired someone around you.

Each day we make a ripple we don’t always know who has been touched by the ripple but one has been made, and it could be as small as a smile, or a listening ear. We are all important in this form that we have here, but to understand that we have accept that we cannot always be here in this form. Acceptance and understanding can release us from not doing anything at all.

To make the point that we are all important if we look at the song Eleanor Rigby who had no one to come to the grave, no one was there. Yet a mark was left, her story, of those who are lonely, or out of the way, it is just their ripples are soft and gentle. The story goes that The Beatles came across the gravestone and a song was written from that. The ripple is now heard through the decades, we whose ripple it is may not see the outcome of what we make, but it is there still affecting those who are touched by it.

Don’t underestimate the power we all have to touch someone, you are still making a mark, the ripple is continuing, it is only the physical form that is no longer.

Say the I love yous to those who you can and say why you love them. Let the ones that have made a change in you or your life know how. Let the ones that have influenced you, know that they have and how. Why the how? It shows that ripples are being made and continue to ripple.

I say rejoice in the fact that a person has been in your life for a reason, you may not be able to tell them, but a change has been made to your life through them. Be thankful they have been there, what would it have been like if they were not?

For me the grief is always about the physical, the laugh is not heard again, words said never to be heard again, the hug, the hand being held, the late-night calls, the routine they gave us. Again we grief for our loss of the physical, and not to rejoice in the soul of what they offered to us or gave us, and that is the selfish part of grief.

We want, we want, we want…………….. Not you have, you have been given, you have been shown, you have been held, and you have been there, you have been loved.

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